That makes it sound as if I'm not happy. I am happy, very happy, in fact. However, the class system is very different than it is back home, as are the students. The social situation is fine--everyone is very nice and fun to be around--but the in-class interaction leaves something to be desired. It will take some getting used to, and I'm sure that I will get used to it, but I can't stop wondering if that twinge of annoyance will ever go away.

Here at Middlesex University, Awkward Silence is king. I don't know if it is that laziness I hear about or if it's shyness, but whenever a professor asks a question in a discussion, it feels like ages before someone (mainly me, it seems) speaks up. Sure, I could just be completely full of myself--hell, that's always a possiblity!--but there hasn't been a class that has resisted the stifling silence of these tight-lipped students! Here's a scenario many of you might be familiar with: It is the first day of a new course in a new semester. There are students you recognize and students you don't. The first discussion of the semester begins, but it begins with a heavy silence, flavored with hesitation and trepidation. Do you have an opinion, or are you simply blank? Will your peers agree with you, find you stupid, or find you a genius? There is a cloud of self-questioning that hangs in the air until finally, as if someone released the tension from a distended tire, some brave soul sticks out their neck and breaks the silence. The trail is blazed and soon, other students join in, creating an active and lush discussion.

For my American course load, I deal with this same situation at least 3 times a semester, 6 times an academic year. It's an atmosphere I am familiar with. It's an atmosphere that I'm used to taking on. However, it's an atmosphere that, in American Universities, lasts only an hour or so. Not a big deal.

However, things are different here at Middlesex. That same cloud hangs over the class as if it was the first day of a new class, but something is wrong. These classes are not semester-long classes, but year-long classes. These faces, apart from those of changeling exchange students such as myself, are the same for January as they were for December. Christmas break does not signify a shift in the classroom, merely a short break. So, why does the awkward silence prevail? Why does no-one raise their hand and partake in the discussion? Is it possible to still be uncomfortable with the 8-or-so students that have been studying with you for months? However, the seminars and lectures are quite infrequent, whereas, back at Chapman, within the first week of a new semester, you've seen your new classmates 2-3 times. I'm used to being mentally engaged during the entire week, not just a day. Whenever I feel myself start floating down from my academic frame of mind, I have the same class again to bounce me back. Here, I fall too quickly.

I get very anxious in these classes, waiting for the good stuff to start, but it never seems to begin. But perhaps it is just the sleepiness of coming back from a long break. Maybe next week, I'll feel the brains around me begin to defrost. If not, I suppose I'll have to do what I always try to do in these situations: force myself to make the best of it. If this is a type of institution that supports a regimen of self-enforced study, independent learning, and self-fueled curiosity, bring it on! I can take whatever they can dish out!

Until January--alas!--I will be here in my beloved Southern California, doing what I do, hopefully doing it well. However, until official documentation arrives from Middlesex University, London, I will be confirming my future stay simply by adding up the constant hints they send me via e-mail. I do not if I'll be studying at Middlesex, but I do know that they've accepted me into the music courses I applied for. I do not know if Middlesex will be sending me an offer letter, but I do know that they need my passport scans, the number of which they "like to include in the offer letter." I do not know if I will be going Middlesex, but I do know that I have guaranteed housing in their dorms.

Therefore, I know that I'll be going to Middlesex without officially knowing that I'll be going to Middlesex. Perhaps this is the "middle" that the school seems so famous for.

In the meantime, I will be constructing this blog so that I can chronicle my journeys in the crazy town I was only truly introduced to a few months ago. There will be laughter, tears, love, and, if we channel The Smiths, some Panic in the Streets of London.

Let's hang that DJ.